A couple of weeks ago I was asked to be a guest on the awesome new Band of SAHDs podcast. I had a great time chatting with some of my fellow SAHDs about what we do, about this blog and about my comic. It was a blast.

During the show, one of the listeners (pretty sure it was fellow daddy-blogger PapaRocks6) posted a question for me in the chat room, which was basically “What is your parenting philosophy or strategy?” and a further question asking “What impact do you want to have on your son?”

I think my off-the-top-of-my-head answers were pretty good (they seemed to like them, at least) but it really got me thinking about the questions after the show, since it’s something I’ve never really put down into words before. At least, not in a way that I can encapsulate in any sort of concise way like “attachment parenting,” or intentionally strategize it as authoritarian, permissive, or any other specific adjective. I know I want my impact to be more than just playing a role in helping him survive to adulthood.

So, please indulge me as I ponder the questions a little more, here…

For much of my time as a parent (never mind an actual stay-at-home dad), most of our parenting strategy has been based on simply keeping our son fed, clothed and, well… alive.  In a lot of ways he’s been such an “easy” baby that a basic strategy of “do whatever works” has been enough.  I know a lot of parents have way more struggles than we did — a colicky baby, a picky eater, a baby who won’t sleep more than a couple of hours at a time, significant health issues, etc. — and we figured out quickly that though we could share advice, we were not in any position to judge what “worked” with someone else’s child.

But now that our son is nearing his 2nd birthday (*gulp!*), things are definitely starting to shift to where we don’t just have to keep him safe and secure, but also start dealing with actual behavior issues. Biting. Hitting. Screaming and squealing. That sort of thing. These are a whole different ball-game than getting him to open wide so I can shovel food into his mouth, or teaching him how to clap his hands. Do we use time outs? What about spanking? How about just biting him back? At what point are we fooling ourselves trying to “reason” with a 21-month old?

For all our similarities (and there are a lot!), my wife and I have some big differences between us. I’m the artsy, empathetic, creative one, who is more shy than you’d think, over-thinks everything, and is more likely to take his sarcasm too far. She’s the hyper-confident, organized, brilliant engineer, who is more apt to take things people say at face value. We make a great team. I know a lot of people define their parenting philosophy based on trying to either repeat or specifically not repeat (maybe even undo) what they experienced with their own parents, but she and I are fortunate enough that there is very little from how our parents raised us that we would intentionally do much differently. Our parents are so similar that at times it’s a little scary, but it’s meant that with a few exceptions we’ve had similar parenting modeled for us.

My brother Dave and his wife Maia have six boys, ranging in age from nine (“the twins”) to less than one year old. They all have different personalities and temperaments, so I’m not naive enough to pretend there have not been not-so-fun times (in fact, I know there have been), but I don’t think Dave and Maia fully realize how much we admire what a great job they’ve done molding their boys into well behaved and respectful kids. If it was as easy as just doing everything they did, maybe we’d do it, but unfortunately it’s never that simple, is it?

So, what’s our parenting philosophy? Our strategy? I wish I knew! What I do have a good idea of though is the kind of kids, and eventually adults, that I pray my children grow to be. What do we want?

We want to raise children who are confident in themselves, but also confident in the knowledge that they are loved — not just by their parents and family, but also by the God who made them.

We want to raise children who are respectful of others, both those in authority and those in society who are often shown no respect.

We want to raise children who are generous of their time and resources. Who value giving more than receiving, and are more interested in being kind than in always being right.

We want to raise children who are creative, adventurous, passionate and compassionate, who “act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly” (Micah 6:8).

Our old church back in Redmond, WA has a purpose statement that says simply: Love God. Love People. Serve the World.

Love God.

Love People.

Serve the World.

If our children learn nothing else from us but the high value of those three things, I will have considered it a job well done.