Even with this blog being as new as it is, I sometimes feel like I write ad nauseum about how much tougher at-home dads have it compared to at-home moms.

Not difficulty with the job itself, necessarily –although I guess you could say women are still often “groomed” for it in a lot of ways from a young age, whereas men typically have a much steeper learning curve, initially — but rather in regards to what sorts of resources are available, and how much support and understanding one gets in choosing to stay home rather than put your kid(s) in daycare. We’ve come a long way, definitely, but we have much further to go.

But today I’d like to talk about another of the Great Untold Perks of daddy-hood (the first Perk being naps), which is this:

Dads get far more praise for doing far less than your average mom.

At-home dads certainly see and experience this most often, but really it’s true of all dads: if you’re out in public and taking an active role in caring for your child (particularly an infant or young toddler), someone is watching and thinking you’re awesome. Have your baby strapped to you in a sling or carrier? Adorable. Patiently feeding applesauce to a squirming toddler? You rock. Offering to go change a poopy diaper? Someone is likely to ask your wife if you have a brother.

It obviously doesn’t even have to be anything particularly above and beyond the call of duty, either. While it’s true that seeing a dad in a restaurant happily tote a stinky baby off to change a diaper can sometimes seem like a rare (and praiseworthy) occurrence, dads are as likely to get an approving smile for publicly kissing a boo-boo. When I take my son grocery shopping with me (which is pretty much every time we buy groceries) I know I have people who see us and think it’s great how I’ve clearly taken on this extra burden of bringing him along with me to give my wife a break. Or I’m “babysitting,” but that’s another blog post . . .

Anyhow, this kind of appreciation is nice, but it’s also sometimes a little bit condescending. It’s great that someone appreciates me being an involved dad, or doing things many dads are happy to take a pass on, even if it occasionally can feel like it only comes because so little is expected of dads. But these compliments are a double-edged sword, because the truth is we only get this easy praise because the bar has been set extremely low.

I don’t just mean that in regards to the legitimate epidemic of absent, distant, or uninvolved fathers, either. My own father is and was always a wonderful dad, but I probably changed more diapers in the first week after my son was born than he did in total after raising three kids. It just wasn’t expected of him. Now, I’m happy to do it, but I won’t pretend there are not times my nose becomes particularly poor at what it does in the hopes my wife will deal with a poopy diaper. Let it never be said guys are not excellent at gladly passing on the opportunity to do something if we think someone else will do it instead.

For millions of moms, though, the day-to-day work of taking care of both the kids and the home are simply assumed. Breakfast in bed and a card on Mother’s Day is as close to being appreciated as they are going to get, much of the time. Random comments from strangers are very unlikely to be praise for a job well done just from seeing mom being mom. Even though there is a definite understanding between moms about how hard their jobs are, I’m sure that meaningful encouragement and recognition of a job well done are far more rare than you’d think.

No one is in it for a trophy, but let’s face it, the bar for being a “Super-Dad” is pretty low. The bar for being “Super-Mom” is set really, really, impossibly high.

So, next time you see a dad doing something that strikes you as going above and beyond, certainly feel free to praise him for it. But save some of that praise for the moms who do it every day with little thanks.